Over the past few days, I've found myself wishing that I could eat like other people. But as each day has passed, and I have continued to be abstinent, the feelings are slowly but surely dissipating. I love the way that I have been feeling. Yes, I have had some food cravings and things have certainly not been easy, but I want to feel like this more than anything else in the world.
Eating has NEVER produced this feeling. Maybe at the beginning of my disease when I did have some aspect of self control and willpower, but I have never experienced the peace and contentment that I have recently felt by working the steps, using the tools, and most of all, not compulsively overeating. It is amazing and I need to remind myself of this constantly. I don't want to go back to that horrible stater of mind and existence. It is hell and if I go back, I will die. I am worth so much more than that and I know that my HP has so many things for me to do. I thank you God, for if it were not for you and your love, support, strength and guidance, I would suffocate and wither. I am powerless God and I am so glad that that is the case, because I have found you and I feel at peace....I accept my disease, where I'm at and the fact that I will never be able to eat like other people. I'm good with that because the trade off is pretty awesome!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Csan you describe in more detail the difference that this abstinence has made to your state of mind? What is this onderful feeling that you have? I also feel resentful about the fact that I can't eat like other people. I am starting to gain more acceptance as I progress through the steps. Someone once said that COE was God's way of getting our attention. Perhaps it's a blessing in disguise because it forces us into spiritual recovery.
ReplyDeleteMy abstinence has stopped the random negative thoughts that have plagued every minute of my existence. I haven't been anxious. I haven't been depressed. I haven't been feeling sorry for myself. I haven't been frozen in pain and suffering. I feel free, at peace, and acceptant. I feel hope, love, and like I have been strengthened in some way...
ReplyDelete